It's been entirely too long since I've posted. I could throw out multiple excuses, but instead I'll lay some honesty on you and give you the actual REASON: drumroll, please............. I didn't feel like it! There's been so much going on lately with my family that I just haven't felt like sitting down in front of the computer. We're still running back and forth up to the nursing home to see my mother-in-law as much as we can. That's a tough one on the weeks I have my daughter because I have to drive an hour in the morning and at night getting her to and from school (30 minutes down to school and 30 back up to work) so that makes for long days since I usually work about 9 hours as it is... I've just been worn out. Physically and mentally. There's been a lot of drama and tension with his family (understatement of the year) and that takes a toll on me mentally. I finally was at my wits' end with his sister and just finally told her I was through with it. Now that seems like the logical thing to do, right? Well, here's the kicker... Her daughter is moving in downstairs in my mother-in-law's apartment to cover the bills. So, more drama ensues... I just can't take the negativity any longer. I somehow always ended up in the middle of a long-standing family feud, and that's not a pretty place to be. Part of it was just my nature of trying to please everyone and as a result, pleasing no one, especially myself. Growing up, I always felt the need to please everyone. Low self-esteem does that to you. It can really put you in a position if you don't take the steps to take care of it. Over the years I have felt an inherent need to help others. I even put that need in front of myself. (another way of letting my lack of self esteem show through)

We've gone through more in our first year of marriage than some people go through in a lifetime.

His mom's illness (complete with 12 surgeries and a leg amputation)

Dealing with his family and the drama

His health issues (complete with a bulging disk and can't afford time off work or surgery now - did I mention he is in construction and lifts every day?

Severe financial strain

A seemingly-never-ending custody battle for his now almost 17-year old son (crazy, I know)

My car accident that wasn't my fault and dealing with attorneys, doctors, pain meds, rebuilding my strength, etc... (finally resulting with me losing)

Dealing with my husband's always negative attitude (which is a daily battle)

And I could goes on and on... Ahhhhhh, sweet, sweet wedded bliss... Needless to say, I've been dealing with a little stress. I know we all have our crosses to bear, however I found myself falling deeper and deeper into a life of "just getting by." That is so against my nature that I found it eating me alive. I found my husband's attitude rubbing off on me and that is NOT acceptable to me. So, I realized it was time to do something about it and guess what? I received a little email, announcing an interesting new movie. I was intrigued, so I checked it out and lo and behold, it seemed to be just what the doctor ordered. You see, since the beginning of the year, I've been doing quite a bit of "me" work. I found Louise Hay's book, You Can Heal Your Life as well as You Can Heal Your Life, the movie, expanded version and found what I had been missing in order to not only get my own life in order, but be able to share what I've learned with others. This way, I can more effectively give of myself to others, which is my real passion. This book has been like an awakening to me. It's like every word I've read is something I've always known in the back of my mind, but never really GOT until I read this book and practiced what it recommended. To some, this might seem over the top, but trust me, it works! I have had an awakening, so to speak. I feel so different in such a short amount of time. I rushed out and used my Borders gift certificate I got for Christmas on the audio book and another audio program by Louise. I listen to these while driving and I find myself feeling better almost immediately. It's like an overwhelming empowerment comes over me. I find it very relaxing and know that deep down important healing is occurring. So, here's my plan for 2008: get to know myself. In doing so, I may be able to help others find their true selves. I'll be sharing when the mood strikes me, however I'm not putting the stress on myself to write to be writing. That didn't accomplish anything other than making me feel guilty for not writing more often. I'm giving myself permission to just be. And you know what? I deserve it and it feels great... And you know what else? YOU deserve it too! So, won't you join me and rejuvenate in 2008?

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